just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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