guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
