My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
there is glitter all over my balls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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