my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
