I've blown a few things in my day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
