All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
