how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
