I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
