that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
