he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize