margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
