a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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