so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
