i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
