He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
