I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
