Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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