I'm gonna have a badass scar
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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