Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
