it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize