I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
