I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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