im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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