your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize