Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
