the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
