I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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