He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
