yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
