God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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