i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize