you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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