oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
