Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
