my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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