Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
