He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
