just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
