Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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