At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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