I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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