The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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