I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
