i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
