I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
