:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
