Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
