How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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