Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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