I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
