Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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