i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
