Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
