you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
