the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize