I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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