Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
