i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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