Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Randomize
