Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize