a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
