As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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