we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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