Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
