just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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