I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am naked and annoyed.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
