My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
