I hate all girls vehemently.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize