My room smells like vodka and shame
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
