Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize