respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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