so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
