i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
