I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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