Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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