so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
