how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
