he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize