if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
