Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize