Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
