Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
