afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were trust falling into bushes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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