Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
