Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
