I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
