I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it's like iHOP with fire
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
