The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize