i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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