I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
