I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
