As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
