90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
